Very serious advice needed?

Question

very real very sad, but much advice needed. I was with this man for 5 long years. we ended up getting pregnant while on vacation. when I hit month 3, he moved out. he says by me having his baby im killing him. im hurt distraught and lost. anyone have any advice on what i should do and why did this happen?

Answer 1

Wow...and they blame fatherless children on feminism=0...that's messed up.



Look...you've got someone else you're responsible for, now. The best thing you have to do is to take care of yourself, stay calm and try to relax as much as possible...too much stress is hard on you and your child.



5 years is a long time, you may need to seek professional help and learn how to deal with the loss of this man. It's easy to say "good riddance"... Or, "you'll get over him, it just takes time"; but the fact is, it's going to be hard. Try to spend some time with your immediate family, close friends and people that truly care about you.

Answer 2

He could have that depression i think its called Antenatal Depression or post natal depression, you have been together for such a long time i think you should talk to him. Its not just woman who suffer from those depressions. I think he might need your help.



But if he has honestly just walked out of you because you are pregnant then he is a mean person, you need to decide what you will do. A lot of single parents get nervous but i am sure you will a great mum. I am also sure you will find a good man that will be a wonderful boyfriend and father.



@ Maxi R - WOW i will remember that you blab on about how women are nasty sexists. :) OH and when you said "A. The both of you didn't get pregnant; you did." <--- i will remember that next time you say abortion is wrong poor fathers blah blah blah! Get your story right!



@VLAD - Both men and women are involved in creating a child if men on here keep bitching about fathers rights, then when you have sex and both do it unprotected you know the consequences so BE A FATHER don't run away. There are things to discuss abortion, becoming parents, being single parents etc... How dare you it takes two to tango.



VLAD - I never said women have no responsibility actually i was stating that both men and women have equal responsibility, the man and woman knows the consequences he could wear a condom and she can go on the pill. I also stated that they should discuss the outcome. But if you do the deed you have to be ready to face the consequences, sometimes it wont go as planned for either party BUT NO i don't blame fathers for single female parents and i don't blame mothers for single motherless parents... it is all a matter of circumstance and they differ in every relationship.



If the man doesnt want to be a father or visa versa then dont have unprotected sex and if someone lies and says they are being protected you can actually sue. I think you are disgusting for saying woman have no responsibility when having a child, i cant remember how many times i have had to say when i fell pregnant the first thing i said to my partner was what are your thoughts what do you want to do and we made a clear decision together. I also know a single dad who's girlfriend wanted nothing to do with the baby so now she just pays child support and the father happily takes care of the baby.



I also didn't blame men for fatherless children.... i used both genders as an example because i know that both can be single parents.



Oh and i will rephrase for you because obviously you cant handle that fact that whatever sex you are if you have sex and became or help make someone pregnant then either view your opinions on abortion (if not far along), adoption or ME A MOTHER BE A FATHER DON'T RUN!!! Your child does need support not just money wise but your love, even if it does end up in a single parent home... the parents feelings aren't the only one to consider but the babies as well, and don't just BLAME the other sex... god.

Answer 3

First, "we" did not get get pregnant, you did.



Five years and you never had a conversation about pregnancy? I really doubt that he never mentioned he did not want kids. Just because you want the child does not mean he does and because he doesn't and you are having the child anyway, you are "killing him", killing any dreams, any plans, any hopes he may have had. There must be more to this story.



@RATM



It takes two to tango, but only one can make the decision to allow that tango to become a child, the woman.



How dare I point out that the woman has the the final say on any pregnancy, that the man has to abide by her decision regardless of anything, that he has absolutely no right to decide if he wants to be a parent?



I dare because it is true, blaming men for fatherless children is wildly sexist, it takes two to tango, but only one to become a single parent.



Men take note: "when you have sex and both do it unprotected you know the consequences so BE A FATHER don't run away."



Translation: Women have no responsibility when having sex, it is the man's responsibility if she gets pregnant, it's the man's responsibility when SHE decides to keep the child. The decision is hers, the responsibility is his, fair and equal in the mind of RATM.



The difference is that the woman and the woman alone has the legal right to decide if the pregnancy will result in a child. She determines if the child exists. The woman is solely responsible for the decision, but not solely responsible for the result of her decision. It's nice that you believe in discussing the situation and both parents come to a decision, but under the law, she can make whatever decision she wants regardless of the father's wishes.



The very existence of the child is the woman's decision exclusively.



"Your child does need support not just money wise but your love, even if it does end up in a single parent home... the parents feelings aren't the only one to consider but the babies as well, and don't just BLAME the other sex... god."



There would not be any child unless the woman decides there will be one, so the child's feelings only exist when the women decides that there will be a child.

Answer 4

Keep your baby.....he or she doesn't deserve to pay for the father's mistakes.



I'm guessing he left for one of two reasons: he's either a very selfish man who's only thinking about himself, or he's terrified about being a dad but doesn't know how to deal with it and decided to be immature about it instead. The only way you'll know is to ask him why he feels like you're killing him by having his child.....and that's something we can't tell you.



Anyways, yeah, keep the baby. And try to talk with him a bit. If he's running scared, there's a chance that he may get his act together again and come back. But if he's just plain selfish.....it's probably over.



Good luck! And try not to stress yourself too much - it's not good for you when you're pregnant.

Answer 5

A. The both of you didn't get pregnant; you did.

B. It happened because you had sex.

C. He is obviously not into the family thing.

D. You have a lot of growing up to do.

E .Good luck.



Eh! wait you two below me. This is a young women who finds herself in a scarry situation.



A. The advice may be stark but it is common sense.

B. As for abortion that is none of my business and is legal so?

C. Abortion may seem like the easy option until you take account of the emotional damage to the mother that may be caused. She IS NOT going to forget it, ever.

D. I would never abandon a child of mine even if they were a mistake. But that is just me.

E. Sweet you really need to talk to a close family member to work out where you go from here whatever that may be. Do what you feel is right in the end.

F. And i agree the boy/man is a wimp.

Answer 6

It happened because he wasnt ready to have a child or maybe he's married. You need to ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want to be with. He may not want a child, but it is to late now he needs to grow up and take responsibility. You will need to establish paternity and get child support from this loser.



Maxi R -You don't get it. She didn't get pregnant by herself. Your mentality is why there are so many fatherless children growing up in this world. Loser!

Answer 7

Obviously you were with a very selfish and immature person. He's scared of the unknown and quite frankly has no spine.



I'm certain you are distraught, lost and confused but that's not going to make him see what he'll be missing. Best of luck to you sweetie.

Answer 8

He sounds like a ******* asshole.

I don't know what you should do it terms of raising your baby, assuming you want to keep it.

I hope your financially stable enough to do it.

When it comes to him though, just forget about him.. He is so not worth it.

What a scum bag.