Question:
Why are men bashed for admiring women who choose to remain virgin or celibate for marriage?
2011-03-06 10:11:29 UTC
"Some" women have sex or flings with men they really see's no future in, but later in life want to find a man that thinks of her more than just a person to have sex with (respect). Why is it ok for a woman to reduce herself to "merely a person to have sex with" when it's to her benefit (acquiring sex), but if a man doesn't want that kind of woman, wants a woman that doesn't see herself as "merely a person to have sex with", he's labeled judgmental or insecure? Basically, why do "some" women place so little value on sex (more open) when immediate gratification is the prime desire.but at the same time, want another category of man to earn it with love and commitment when it's to her benefit (acquiring a husband/"good" guy), when that very intimate act was simply given away in the past? The exact same can be asked of men, in being players for fun while young,but then wanting a innocent wife. But if women can realize the blatant hypocrisy in that example, why can't they see it from a man's point of view, but instead choose to ridicule?
Eight answers:
Susie
2011-03-06 10:25:58 UTC
You ask a very good question. I agree with you that it is hypocritical to want someone pure and chaste when you choose not to be. I myself am pure and chaste and am looking for the same in my future husband.



Once, I went to meet a man who had found me through the internet and he was only looking for a one night stand or a girl so cheap she would willingly give herself to him and be his girlfriend/sex partner without any true commitment. He asked me if I ever thought that the reason I am not married is because my standards are too high. I told him no and I wouldn't lower my standards to get married. He said that he would. What he did and said to me I would or could classify similar to ridicule. The funny thing is he totally doesn't get that the reason he isn't married is because of his lack of respect for women and their virtue.



I feel truly sorry for those with no self respect who ridicule me for being a virtuous woman. They fall prey to their own carnal desires. While they may enjoy temporary satisfaction, they sell themselves short of lasting peace and happiness that comes to those who bridle their passions.
True Blue Brit
2011-03-06 10:15:32 UTC
I would bash anyone for asking the question you asked. I would not bash them if it read: Why are virgin men bashed for admiring women who choose to remain virgin or celibate in marriage?"

It's the double standard - it's not okay for non-virgin men to demand virgins or sneer at non-virgins.



Virginity is not a magic charm. It's not a guarantee. It's simply a statement of fact. This person has not yet had sex.



Edit: It's quite hard to understand your point. You're saying that women go out and have sex and then want to settle down, expecting her husband to ignore the fact that she has had sex with other men? She expects her husband to respect her and value her?



If so - because women are not sex objects. They can be moral, dignified, lovely, honest and true and still not be virgins. To choose to marry someone because she is a virgin implies that her virginity is more important than her other characteristics or her personality. Most people realise that their future partner must have more depth.

You are looking for virginity to mean more than it does. If you really want to marry a woman who thinks as you do, surely your prime objectives would be her morals, her integrity, her religion, etc. You cannot base a marriage on someone being a virgin. What happens when her virginity is gone - will her "impurity" shine through? Will her "innocence" be lost forever? Will she be "dirty and sullied"?

Will you, like Elvis Presley, refuse to have sex with her? And what happens if she doesn't like sex? Will you hold that against her, as well?

I'm not saying that promiscuous women are desirable. I'm saying - don't base your future happiness on a magic charm.
BE MY MAN
2011-03-06 10:39:58 UTC
If a woman is not a virgin at marriage then that does not mean necessarily that she has slept around in the way you describe.



I think that in requiring your wife to be a virgin you are missing out on lots of quality women, who do have morals, do value themselves highly, do respect themselves. Maybe they have also been in love with a man, slept with him, and the relationship has eventually ended.



Are these women to be judged by men as no longer worthy wives?



If a woman has slept with many men then that is entirely her business, as it is for a man who has slept with many women. Virginity, as TRUE BRIT states, is simply a statement of fact, whether or not you have had sex. It doesn't guarentee a good marriage, or a good future sex life.



The reason why I dislike the viewpoint of men who insist on marrying a virgin is that I think they are placing far too high a value on something that really is of little importance at the end of the day. And in focussing so narrowly on that, they are neglecting to look at the really important things that make a marriage work.



@LAUREN D - Since when was sex 'not a biological need' for women??? I think you will find that for most women if very definatly is!



EDIT - Then I'm not sure I quite get your point. Are you complaining that women will have sex easily with some men who they don't wish to commit to, but will not have sex easily with men they do wish to commit to? I expect that is because they want the second type of man to get to like them first for themselves, without their judgement being clouded by lust. Then when they know the guy likes them for themselves they are happy to have sex with him. With the guys they didn't want anything but sex with, obviously the guys opinion of them personally wasn't as important.



Physical characteristics are also a poor reason to marry someone or not. If you find the person physically attractive then that is all that matters and often that comes with getting to know the kind of person they are, and your admiration for them, can lead to a physical attraction. But to marry someone because he has big muscles or she has a cute face and perky boobs are foolish reasons as these characteristics are only temporary, as is virginity.



Again the important things are your shared sense of morality, beliefs, attitudes in common, same approach to and desire for sex etc rather than whether a woman is a virgin or not.

Personally, I do not think its possible to know whether you are sexually compatable with someone unless you have had about a years experience of sex with them, so I would never advocate someone to marry as a virgin, as too many relationships fail through mismatched sex drives/interests.
Louise C
2011-03-07 07:21:31 UTC
Well, since I lost my virginity when I was in my teens, I never encountered any such men. But I don't mind if men want to marry virgins, they just aren't the kind of men I (for obvious reasons) would ever have had much to do with.
2011-03-06 10:14:05 UTC
dude your being so sexist... because your thinking. Feminists will try to cram crap on you like this. It doesn't work in western countries for sure, most sleep around but want morals... in middle eastern countries the latter applies, they are expected to behave humbly. therefore west world women = stupid, while middle eastern are stuck in their situation.
2011-03-06 10:16:29 UTC
In my experience, celibate women are that way because they are tired of men. They've had sex with men and didn't get what they wanted. It's not like sex is a biological need for women, like it is for men, so they're not missing out.



Now that you know their reasons, do you still admire them?
2011-03-06 10:17:53 UTC
because it is patriarchal and reminiscent of biblical times which imply a mans ownership of a woman



it is also hypocritical because a man is not expected to be a virgin but women are - which of course is completely idiotic.
2011-03-06 10:20:23 UTC
Dude



Feminists are going to bash everything you say or do if you have a penis.


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