If a woman has been a victim, why do men not want her to "play the victim card"?

Question

So many women are victims and so few people know about it because they do not speak up and just hide. Is this healthy?

Does this hiding not promote rape because victims are too afraid to report it?

What is "playing the victim card" anyway and how does it work when in fact women ARE victims?

Answer 1

These particular men think women's problems are nonsense and trivial. Many of these men don't know how to "deal" with women that are emotional because of a horrible crime that happened to them, so they just shame them into silence by telling them to stop "playing the victim card". Instead of offering support and "listening" to the woman that is obviously in pain, they just want her to shut up.



I'm not saying all men are like this, but because of the emotional blockage, they just can't handle it. You would think instead of trying to shut the woman up, they would at least "offer" to help them get some professional help or even take them to group therapy. But you can't make anyone do anything and expecting men to help when they don't feel like it or if there isn't anything in it for them is like pulling teeth.



"What is "playing the victim card" anyway?"



--In this case, it would be a victim of a violent crime that doesn't feel like anyone is listening to her, so she gets filled with an over-abundance of emotions to deal with it and sometimes uses the incident to get people to listen to her over and over(it's a healing mechanism gone awry). It's usually a sign the woman needs help. Most others look at it as a negative thing towards them without any care for the victim. It's just more rape apology, but in a different form.

Answer 2

"Playing the victim card" doesn't mean the person playing it isn't a victim to some degree. Usually they are a victim, but that isn't the whole story. There is the matter of how much of a victim they really are and in what way, if any, they may have contributed to becoming victimized. "Playing the victim card" (or playing any sort of card) means that the person is using a generalization to oversimplify the situation in an attempt to gain sympathy and favour concerning their situation. The situation in reality might not favour them much or at all, but acting like it should based on some established bias is used to garner them favour.



edit: As someone else mentioned and I was alluding to, it is about exploiting their situation. If they were indeed raped and they stick to the facts when reporting it, then they aren't trying to make out they are any more of a victim than they actually are, so they wouldn't be playing the victim card. So if they adhere to the oath people are given in court when testifying to "tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth", then they won't be pretending anything.

Answer 3

Some victims prefer to play the victim card because he or she does not know how to become a survivor. A person should never take pity on someone that wants to stay a victim. A victim can become a survivor by getting the help that he or she needs. Just because a woman becomes a victim of rape means that she has to continue her life by being a victim. Dealing with the rape is what the person needs to do. But some people prefer to stay a victim because they like the attention that they get from people. And that is so wrong.



*** She has to talk about it***

No one can't stop her from talking about it.

If she talks about it then she will expose her rapist. And that is when she becomes a survivor.

But if she doesn't talk about then she stays a victim.

If she's afraid of the rapist then she must talk about it.

If she does not talk about it then she's giving her rapist the control to have power over her.

And she needs to get that power back.

A victim of rape should never be afraid of the rapist.

The only reason he wants her to keep quiet is because he does not want to be exposed.

But if she has the strength and courage to fight him then she wins.

If she does not take her power back then he wins.

Answer 4

Because most men don't empathise with women and don't care to ever see things from our point of view. If you ask me men like to play the victim card a lot more than women, women are too afraid to be seen as a victim because most people give women a lot of grief if they are victims.

Fact is a lot of women are victims, but if a woman is a victim, then she's bombarded with sexist comments and given practically no compassion for it. Where as if a man is a victim, or even if he isn't really a victim, just trying to get attention, then he is given sympathy and compassion by both men and women alike.



I dated a guy who I later found out is a sociopath; and one time he tried to put his hand down my bra without permission, I didn't want it, so I jerked away from him, and he started sulking, playing the victim, and even started crying because I was so horrible to not let him touch my body, and these are some instances where plenty of men think women are sexist to them and that they are victims of women and sexism, just because women now have the confidence to stand up for themselves. And men can play the victim card for this reason, and still garner sympathy from others.

But if a woman is raped, it is often attributed to her dressing provokatively and the poor guy not being able to help himself.



Sorry if I sound like I'm slandering men here, it is not my intention, there are some good men who respect women as equals. But this is what I have observed for the past 18 years of my life and I feel someone needs to speak out against it.

Answer 5

If a woman has falsely claimed victimhood, why do feminists/some women not want to reprimand her?



There are many women who both instigate trouble or lie about it, but nobody ever questions them.



if a woman chooses not to report a rape, then it's HER choice and SHE is sending out the message that a man can get away with it. If she is so worried about people thinking she is "playing the victim card", then she is placing more emphasis on her vanity than on finding justice for herself.

Answer 6

This is a horribly ignorant question. I'm gonna let you off the hook by assuming you're either really young, or English isn't your first language. Playing the victim card is when a woman tries to gain advantage in a situation by playing into the stereotype of being the weaker sex. It has nothing to do w/ people who are actually victims of assault/abuse, etc. Women in general aren't victims. Not getting medical/emotional help after being assaulted isn't healthily. Obviously not reporting a rape allows the rapist to continue to do so w/ o prosecution. But that is a painful kind of violation & you can't really know/judge how people will deal with it. Playing a card of any kind implies that someone is exploiting something.

Answer 7

I think you're misunderstanding what "playing the victim card" actually means.



Speaking up about ones unfortunate experiences is not playing the victim card.



Demanding that the whole world move in concert for your benefit because you were a victim - real or imagined - IS playing the victim card.





See the difference? I suspect not...

Answer 8

When I think of someone playing the "Victim Card" I imagine someone using their gender or even race as an excuse to be weak, make excuses or complain often... Men do this, too. See it all the time here.

Answer 9

The "victim card" is a game.

Answer 10

Many rape charges are just drunk women who regret a night.

Real rape is horrible and those victims should do what they think is best in getting help and such

Answer 11

The men of Gender Studies just like to degrade women, period... They condemn us for being "strong and independent" and then condemn us for being "victims"... They accuse us of being incapable of being independent, like all of us are living off some man, or daddy government, when in fact, most of us are doing it on our own, without government, and without child support...because without child support, you don't have to mess with a biological donor that wants nothing to do with their own children.



I prefer to acknowledge that I was a victim of horrible crimes, but I don't let that crime drag me down. I know the people that committed those crimes against me aren't giving me a second thought, and it would be a waste of my life to let them ruin mine, and I won't let them have that satisfaction.



Success is the best revenge!