When physical attraction between loving couples fades - is one party to blame if it happens first?

Question

The couple vow to stay together til death but (eg) the husband gets a thyroid problem and gains 200lbs at 30 and the wife's libido is healthy til 50 and she finds him unattractive

Is anyone to blame?

Answer 1

That's just nature taking its course. No one is to blame. You're not to blame when her looks attract you, and you're not to blame when her looks stop attracting you. Attraction is hard-wired in to you. You can't force yourself to be attracted towards somebody.

Answer 2

Attraction fades period, regardless of circumstances. You see each other day after day at your best, and at your worst. You will have arguments, disagreements and so forth, and the responsibilities of life, finances, parenthood add weight. Every relationship has it's own outcome when it happens because it depends on how much you love each other, why you are in the relationship in the first place, how committed you are, and whether or not you or the other thinks there is a better alternative, or how whatever decision has what impact on the family. There's a lot involved, it's really complicated. But attraction alone is shallow and always fades eventually. A relationship requires much more to thrive.

Answer 3

No one is to blame. I can see in cases of just being a couch potato and over eating, despite being (lovingly) asked by your partner to get more active, etc., then you can sort of attribute blame there. But still, the marriage vows don't have an "unless they get fat" clause.

Answer 4

No one is to BLAME. It happens. It is ridiculous to believe that hot sexual attraction remains constant in any mature committed relationship. It epps and flows over time. There are many other aspects of a deep committed relationship that cement and hold it together. There are many other aspects of a person that are attractive besides physicality. Most people know this. The ones that don`t are shallow at best or, immature at worst..

Answer 5

No, it isn't and it does happen and the world does not end, the relationship does not falter and the couple continue enjoying each other's company for another 50 years.

Answer 6

Too many couples forget that they are taking a VOW to stick together, through better OR WORSE- sick or healthy- (thick or thin).



In the case of the man getting fat, etc- that is why God gave us vibrators. Better that than to toss the marriage!



The man- they seem to think masturbating to porn is fun. Let them do that then. He did promise to stay with her no matter what her health.



That is just MHO Everyone nowadays seem to forget what marriage IS.

Answer 7

I dont think so....



This is one of the reasons my wife and I have not yet had children. It is apparent from looking at her family that childbirth is not kind to the women - all of them tend to get fat and out of shape. I simply explained to my wife that I love her very much, but that I would not be attracted to her if she ended up fat and out of shape - perhaps not the most romantic or nicest thing to say to a woman - BUT COMPLETELY HONEST.



If she gets fat and I am no longer attracted to her - who is to blame for that?